She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
should my penis look like a turkey
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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