Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
