Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
