Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
