Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
