I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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