i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
