you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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