so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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