Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
