Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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