you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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