I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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