I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
