We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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