She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
