I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
