yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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