my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
