My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
