My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so let's talk penis.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
