Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
