I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
