And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
