OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
