I'm so fucking centered right now
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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