I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You pole danced in your parka.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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