Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
How naked do you want me to be?
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