omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
