Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
