well you can't waste a boner
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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