"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I think my moral compass just broke
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
