fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
