I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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