I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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