did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
