Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
