I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
