I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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