Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
