Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
