Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
