Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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