I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
