ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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