I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
