I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
