there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
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Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
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Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?