Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
