had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."