Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
