I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
