people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
