She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
