At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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