Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
