i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So much rum. So many feels.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
