I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
