where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Of course I have a pirate flag
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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