Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
