Say something about gay babies.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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