How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
