I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
