My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
