was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
