he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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