i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
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Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
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I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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