WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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