Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
