What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize