I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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