i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
