I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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