Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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